Blog = Avoidance Tool

Yes, I'm using this blog as a way to avoid typing a paper right now. Why do I do this? I don't really know. I don't really know why I do a lot of things that I do. I don't know why I drink double espresso shots, I don't know why I like to stand on chairs, I don't know why fall is my favorite season, I don't know why I have a desire to skydive... The list goes on. The biggest unknown is why I chose to come here. Today is one of those days where I've been asking myself over and over again what I'm doing here.

I miss home. It was bound to happen sooner or later, unfortunately. I was so overwhelmed with the intense work during this past first week that I didn't have time to sit down and think about anything else besides class. But now that Sunday has come around and it's Father's Day, I am reminded of how strongly I want to be home right now. I am exhausted emotionally and mentally and have been brought to tears many times over the past few days, which makes me ask "Why God, why on earth do you have me here going through all these challenges out of my comfort zone. Why have I been thrown head first into something so deep, and why do I feel like I'm not even above water right now". I'm dumb for asking these questions, because I know the answer. The answer is that I'm not ready to know yet. (How's that for Philosophy 101).

For those of you who know me, I'm a huge planner. I like to know what I'm doing, when I'm doing it, and the reason behind it. Right now I can't answer any of those questions. I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't know when I'm going to know. And I obviously don't the reasons behind all this struggle. I'm frustrated and praying that I can get above the water. I'm here for a reason, and have to stick it out. I know my family and friends will be there when I get home, and for now that has to be enough to get me through this homesickness.

Philippians 3 is about being confident in the flesh. I have to be confident that this is where I need to be right now. I'm learning to know Christ, and when compared with the gain's I receive from the world, put simply there is no comparison. "For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared". Proverbs 3:26. Well, there ya have it. Everything comes full circle with this verse.

This post was more of a word vomit for me. If you've made it to the end, pat yourself on the back. And thanks for reading, you guys rock.  

By the way, I survived white water rafting yesterday in the Arkansas River :) I have many stories from that, including a friend going overboard in the rapids. Quite an experience to say the least.